Be A "Roll Model"

Many people may think that the number one reason kids do martial arts is for self-defense, or because they're being bullied.  However, when I ask parents why they have brought their child in to try Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu or Muay Thai, their answer is often a different one.  Self-confidence, focus, and resiliency often top the list of parents' goals for martial arts training.  Wise parents recognize that we can not possibly give their kids all of these things in the few hours a week that we spend with most of them.  We can teach them how to be more self-confident, focused, and resilient in the academy.  We can model what all of those things look like when we train and in how we carry ourselves...but then their parents take them home.

Home is to this equation what diet is to getting "ripped" abs, it is the most important piece.  What you do at home will either serve to reinforce the things we try to get across to the kids, or it will undermine them.  Consistency is key, so we all have to be on the same page.  If you like that we make the kids say 'yes sir' and 'no sir' at the academy, make the kids say it at home and out and about as well.  Also, be careful about what you model.  This is how your kids learn from you the most.  If you model respect, self-control, and focus, then that is what you'll get.  Conversely, if you model abuse, anger, and indifference, then that will surely be what you receive in return.

I made a list of parental Do's and Don'ts to help you out with reinforcing our methods at home.  I know most of it is common sense, but a good ol' reminder never hurt.

Do...

1. Be supportive - Just like Jiu-Jitsu, life can be hard.  Support your little guy/girl in both!
2. Be firm - Children need structure, not enablers.  You're not doing a favor for your child by keeping them from ever being uncomfortable. 
3. Recognize that it takes a village.  Smart parents recognize their weaknesses and reach out to others to help fill those gaps.  
4. Teach them to finish what they start.  Much like the belts in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, most things worth doing take some time to complete.  
5. Make them come to training.  To me, what we do is equally important to a child's development as many of the other things that society has deemed important.  If your child didn't want to go to math class you'd tell them tough luck, but if they don't want to come to training, you'll go along.  Learning Jiu-Jitsu isn't always easy, nor is every moment fun.  Some times you're the nail...and some times it feels like you're not progressing the way you want.  Sounds like life doesn't it?? Our kids that have trained consistently are very well adjusted, confident young people.  I'd like to think we have had a small part to play in that.  

Dont...

1. Let your kids be in charge.  You've worked too hard to get where you are in life to have your own kid(s) drive you crazy.  Set rules and boundaries and stick to them.
2. Let electronics raise your kids.  It has been my experience that the kids that I see spending the most time with their faces buried in some device, often have the hardest time focusing, concentrating and having meaningful interactions.  
3. Let your children hit you.  This one really gets me upset!  If they will hit the people who love and care for them, what will they do to the rest of us??  If that is how you play that's one thing, but if you allow them to hit you out of anger, that is completely different.  
4. Say you can not do anything about your child's behavior.  You are the main people that can change your child's behavior, as you are the ones who spend the most time with them.  
5. Be afraid to be critical of your parenting.  You would not allow yourself to stop learning and progressing at your job.  Do the same with your parenting.  Continue to grow and redefine your parenting practice.  

I am no expert, nor do I have a perfect track record at parenting, coaching, or anything for that matter.  This is just my humble opinion, based on how we run our program.  If you like it, share it!